1) Assemble all the ingredients: 2 large cans tomato paste, 1 fresh clove garlic, 2 medium sized onions, 2 teaspoons oil, 1 small sprig of parsley, 1 teaspoon oregano, 1 teaspoon basil, cup red wine.

2) Look for large pot with lid.

3) Realize that pot has been used as a temporary house for the hamster while its cage was being cleaned.

4) Find a medium pot with lid.

5) Look for garlic press.

6) Look for a sharp knife.

7) Try to chop the onions.

8) Look for a really sharp knife - the one that's hidden way in the back of the drawer so nobody cuts themselves on it.

9) Cut finger.

10) Stop the bleeding with a bright pink and green adhesive strip decorated with pictures of circus animals.

11) Cut the onions into bite-sized pieces and place in medium sized saucepan with 2 teaspoons of oil.

12) Empty out the junk drawer on the kitchen table to find the garlic press.

13) Chop the parsley.

14) Look in the kids toy chest to find the garlic press.

15) Find the garlic press and scrape the play clay out of it. 16) Smell smoke.

17) Realize that youve forgotten the onions on the stove.

18) Frantically wave a magazine at the smoke detector before the smoke alarm goes off.

19) Take two aspirin after smoke detector does go off.

20) Throw out burnt onions.

21) Find a jar of spaghetti sauce in the back of the cupboard and put it in the pot.

22) Add the parsley, 1 teaspoon oregano and 1 teaspoon basil to the pot.

23) Heat until bubbling.

24) Drink the wine.